Somewhere in this haze, somewhere beneath the joint pain is a fire. I have to reach it. A lady on facebook that I casually know posted about the importance of walking. She described her tenure working in a nursing home and how many of its residents were ladies who hadn’t valued walking and exercising, deteriorating early in their elder years. I have to get better. I just have to.
I work on the main street in our town and constantly see people cruising the sidewalks in scooters. They are overweight and have clearly become immobilized by their sedentary lifestyles. It bothers me how much time I have spent on the couch or in bed this week. It’s a miracle I have worked my hours this week – I had to work a long day on Tuesday to compensate for the mere three hours I worked on Monday, but wow. I thought I was going to die that day.
This is the worst week I have had health-wise in over three years. The arthritis symptoms are rather severe and more widespread than they ever were. Generally I can count on my hands or my knees to be achy – sometimes in outright pain. It’s now basically anything on my body that is meant to bend or twist.
My son sleeps at my mom’s on Fridays and she called me 15 minutes after I was due to arrive. I distantly heard the phone ringing, and didn’t care. The fluffy blanket, my position, and the fact that I was nearly sound asleep accounted for this complacency. My 8 year old answered the phone finally.
“Damn kids,” he huffed after no one answered his “hello.”
Mom called my cell phone. All I said was hello and she asked what was wrong.
She came to pick him up. Looking me over, she told me about a lady she knows who had Lyme. HAD Lyme. This friend of hers was debilitated for years but managed to see someone in Boston who helped her with both conventional medicine and homeopathic methods. She has been cured? In remission? I don’t want to jinx her. Oh, yeah. It’s been six years. That’s a lot better than the ten months I had in 2009/2010.
I have to get better. I just HAVE to. I have a lot of living to do. If this week isn’t some fluke, then I’m honestly headed toward collecting disability. I can’t get there. Yesterday I felt awful and was tinkering with the notion of taking the day off. But I realized that “resting” is simply a respite from feeling bad. It doesn’t charge me up. It doesn’t pay off the day after and subsequent days. It’s just a reprieve and nothing more. Coming home after finishing the day was far better for me than it would have felt to succumb to my body and stay home.
But it is becoming increasingly necessary.
Last night I rode a bike with my son. I didn’t realize how doable this is as long as I don’t attempt hills when my joints are this bad (it’s amazing what can happen with a hill – we have to grip the handle bars more tightly, we have to exert more with our legs and this leads to a bit more resistance, and then it gets in my shoulders and elbows from holding on tighter……..). I never thought about the minimal impact compared with walking.
I’m going to try to ride the bike every day. Even if it’s just for a couple of minutes. Just something to get myself moving. I’m also going to try to get the name of my mom’s friend’s doctor(s) in Boston. This just isn’t working anymore and what ever it is, it’s progressing.
Chronic Lyme? Post Lyme Syndrome? I don’t know. Both terms have been thrown at me. What ever it is, I’m not taking this lying down.